final stretch - day 2

university pl / wooster st / church st / thames st / albany st / carlisle st / washington st / rector st / pine st / cedar st / wall st / exchange pl / hanover st / pearl st / hanover sq / old slip / front st / governeur ln / cliff st / john st / maiden st / gold st / rose st / centre st / hamill pl / hogan st / baxter st / hester st / canal st / vandam st / charlton st / king st / houston st / 5th to 8th st

18.32 miles

an evening spent interrupting each other and laughing. a kind waiter, and good music. conversing too loudly on the sidewalk, and the pavement is warm but the air is pleasant.

yesterday and today i began my goodbyes to my friends in this city, and while i told myself i would not, could not, get mushy— because this is a week of goodbyes and it would overwhelm, because I need to finish packing, because i need to finish WALKING— here i am, back alone in the apartment, and the sadness, the doubt, creeps in (too many commas oops). i love my friends, and i have such good ones here.

i am unafraid to say that i am scared for the next five years (and beyond). i am intimidated by grad school and how to be an adult. i don't want to think about saving for retirement what to do if my car gets a flat tire. (and as i write, i hear my privilege loud and clear). i feel unready for the change of moving to a new place, of starting over.

and i do look forward to being closer to family in california and to exploring a new city, to be nearer to nature and to good korean food. to new friendships and adventures and perspectives to learn from. yet this will all take time.

and these past few days have been dreamlike. i've walked more than i ever thought i could, and i now feel confident that i can (i will) finish. a friend cooked me dinner, i ran into one of my favorite people on the street corner, each conversation in the past two days has left me pondering for long after.

this makes me sound young, but sometimes i wish i could record everything in my life, capture every thought or joke or wise word or moment. to remember it all and to capture it for that day one day in the future when i sit down and reminisce. i forget so easily.

and i remember now, i tell myself, that part of this is a reprieve. from a year of solitude and fear of socialization (and i know it's not over yet). to talk to another human being and to see their entire face remains surreal.

and this city, this wondrous castle, magnifies. sometimes i think i love new york better than the ones who have lived here their entire lives (this feels wrong to even type). but when you are born in a place you love it but you hate it a little too (and perhaps this is a realer love). but i love this city and i know that i will never not be in awe of it. and i know this city now (or i will in five days) better than i ever will again.

to see every corner of this city, and now to say goodbye.

i will not cry today; this is dramatic enough as it is (and an aside to myself, remember how much you cried last spring and summer and fall? there is a light at the end). yet i have thought it, and written it now, and these last walks, they shall become goodbyes.

here are the sights from my walk: a woman sweeping petals off her sidewalk; a local being handed her coffee order; nyu; the peacefulness of the morning; so many out and about yet quiet; a mustachioed smile; washington square village, who knew such a lil oasis existed down here; empty shops on wooster street; a collection of luxury retail stores; mannequins catching me off guard; bored police men staring at me; the ubiquity of one world trade center from all of downtown, how brave; a one way sign being put up on the corner; 8:00 bells ringing at st. peter’s church; recently washed squishy streets; trinity church bells; a man talking about his dog on the phone as if he was a friend; columbus park a sigh of comfort as i enter chinatown; street names written in chinese, what’s in a street name; idle italian grandpas the border of chinatown and little italy; the zongzi lady; a melon being hacked open; a lot more masks in chinatown, almost everyone; chinese grandmas judging my bare shoulders and masklessness; seward park; more crossing guards than i usually notice; a kid in a stroller with both fingers up their nose; angry eyebrows; ‘creative little garden’; ‘el jardin del paradiso’; two ladies with violet highlights; a child in a school uniform on the subway; ‘you scrumptious’; a pile of shrimp tails.

p.s. i got my curry puff (and a mango smoothie) today! i love fay da bakery.