41st st / 42nd st

6.00 miles

Those of you, lost and yearning to be free,
who hear these words, take heart from me.
I once was in as many drafts as you.
But briefly, essentially, here I am…
Who touches this poem touches a woman.
—Julia Alvarez

today was a good day. it began in my math class today, where i found out i got the last problem on our test correct, and where i stared at math, and i got it! i listened to my professor wax philosophic about faith and voices in your head and finite state automata, and after class i was inspired to read my group theory chemistry book. feeling thinky after class.

my afternoon was spent in the lab, figuring out a new-to-me protein purification technique and taking my time (not always the case) to make sure i understood what i was doing and that things were working the way they should be. i listened to happy music as i worked steadily through the afternoon.

leaving barnard’s campus and walking home, the skies were blue for the first time in days and sunshine melted snow fell from scaffolding onto my face. i haven’t been walking very often these days (it has been snowy, yes, but my brain and body have been snowy, too), so the act of a sunset walk on a tuesday evening felt spontaneous, and i almost bailed on myself. but bounding out onto 41st street, i felt exhilarated. i was leaping.

midtown is midtown, but i was surprised by just how much lies on just these two streets: grand central station, the chrysler building, madame tussauds, broadway theatres, bryant park, queens tunnel, glimpses of times square.

most magically, to the east of the 5th ave new york public library, on 41st street, i found ‘library way’. who knew! plaques with literary quotes and poems and i tried to read each one. but i also did not read each one because it did feel strange to keep stopping on the sidewalk in the dark.

the rest of the sights and other senses: eyes on screen on subway; children prancing; a man peeing; a fighting couple; maskless toddler cold noses and round eyes; an exhausted runner; ear gauges; a mother losing grip of her child, slipper jacket sliding through her arms; someone randomly breaking into a run; seamless grubhub another one red backpacks and bicycles; cup noodle smell… nuts4nuts smell; drums! (djembe?); a gigantic nose sticking out of a mask; many spanish words that i did not understand; nueve; a blaring fire truck; a silent ambulance; a lone basketball player in the dark; a woman in a wheelchair crossing the street; a lone janitor cleaning at the bank; a beret’d biker; a woman with hair like a lion.

i made it back home with two minutes to spare before my 7:10 biochem class. much like the myth of surfing and skiing in the same day in california, college in the city isn’t usually this romantic. but i walked six miles and subway’d up and down in just over two hours— the magic is there so long as we move our butts.

i’ve gotten into a couple of grad schools now, another reason for the light mood today. yet as i dream of california, today’s meanderings welled up preemptive yearnings for this city. sitting here now in my room, writing this rather cheesily joyful entry, i attempt to stay in this exact moment, for this moment (so much cheese, i apologize).

This is what,
at last, it is
to be
a human being.

Leaving nothing
out, not
one star, one
wren, one tear
out.

—Kobaayashi Issa